Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
