I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
