what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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