Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
