she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
