im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
