You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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