So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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