I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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