it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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