i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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