My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
