We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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