we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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