Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
