I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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