Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
