i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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