We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
