ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
