you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize