the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
