we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
