Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
