omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's shark week go big or go home
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
