having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
