There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
