Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
