good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
