im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
