Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
