I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
