u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
