in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
