I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
