Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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