yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she pinky promised me she was 18
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
