Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
