benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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