Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
And then my night got REAL pukey
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
