I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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