Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
