Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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