You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
