I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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