I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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