Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
