Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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