Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
