I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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