I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
