its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
