Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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