ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
