...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
