i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
