so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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