I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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