You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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