she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
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Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
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he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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