I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
