I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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