This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
