Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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