I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
