I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We named our party play list daddy issues
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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