Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You're a waste of cheezeits
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
