You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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