You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
