hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
