I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
When are your genitals available?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
