No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
