i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
