make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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