I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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